The Ridiculous Noah Story

Noah loading the ark

As a student of The Master Teacher, Dr. Malachi K Z York, I was studying the Noah story and discovered something very interesting.  It was so interesting that it made the story even more ridiculous than what I first thought.  You think of a guy building a giant boat with all different kinds of animals.  This guy and his family are on this boat with all these animals for months.  Sounds ridiculous, right?  Here’s more.

Now Genesis chapters 6, 7 and 8 really tell the story of the flood.  Some call it the great deluge.  Whatever you call it, it is all ridiculous to me.  I am going to point out some peculiar things in the story that will make you say “Hmmm! “  Let’s look at Genesis 7:2:

Genesis 7:2

“Of every clean beast thou shalt take to thee by sevens, the male and his female: and of beasts that [are] not clean by two, the male and his female.”

You can look in your own bible and see it for yourself.  It says that Noah was to take every clean beast by sevens and every not clean beast by two.  So there was seven of each clean beast.  What classifies an animal as a beast, I don’t know exactly.  The word for beast in the original was “behamaw” which translates as beast, cattle, livestock, and wild beast.  That could be a vast array of animals.

So Noah and his family packed all of these animals in the ark and the rain came.  Genesis 7:12 tells us it rained for 40 days and 40 nights.  It says the waters prevailed 150 days according to Genesis 7:24.  That’s 5 months!  Noah, his family and at least hundreds of animals stayed alive for 5 months in a boat when all the other life outside of the boat that breathed the “breath of life” died.  That’s ridiculous but that’s not even the point I found.

Chapter 8 starts out funny.  It says:

Genesis 8:1

“And God remembered Noah, and every living thing, and all the cattle that [was] with him in the ark:…”

God remembered Noah, as if he forgot.  That’s funny.  The end of the 150 days was in Genesis 8:3.  In verse 4 it says that the ark rested on the mountains of Ararat.  Verse 5 says the waters decreased continually until the tenth month!  So after the 150 days, they were on the ark another 3 months!  This is ridiculous!!  Verse 6 says they were in the ark another 40 days when Noah decided to open a window and send out a dove.

The dove came back with an olive leaf.  Seven days later he sent another dove.  When the dove hadn’t returned, Noah knew the waters were dried up.  God called Noah out of the ark in the second month of the year.  This is five months after being in the ark for 9 months.  So Noah and his family were in the ark for 14 months!

Now what did Noah and his family eat for over a year?  What did the hundreds of animals eat for over a year?  Do you see how ridiculous this story is?  And I am not even done yet.

Once you get to verse 20, something very peculiar happens.  Let’s read it:

Genesis 8:20

“And Noah builded an altar unto the LORD; and took of every clean beast, and of every clean fowl, and offered burnt offerings on the altar.”

Noah took of “every clean beast” and “every clean fowl” and killed them for God.  Of all the clean beasts, Noah barbecued them.  We are talking about the clean beasts of every animal Noah had on the boat.  That’s a whole lot of barbecue!  And what happened to all this good clean meat?  God wanted Noah to save all the clean beasts for him to eat.  This is why it says in verse 21 that God smelled the “sweet savour”.  Both of those words deal with taste.

Savour is a word derived from the Latin word sapor meaning taste.  Sweet means having the taste of sugar or something resembling sugar.  Again, both of these words deal with taste.  What kind of God is this?  Read it for yourself.  Really ask yourself what kind of God you are worshiping.

I hope this is all making sense to you now.  I hope you are able to see that the God of the Bible you have been taught about is not really who you think he is.  And that the story of Noah that they taught you in Sunday school is not the same story as you read it in the Bible.  It is just a ridiculous story.  The greatest story ever told.